I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
