When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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