Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
