Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
