Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
