do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
