??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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