I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
