Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
