Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
