I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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