Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Come on in and take your pants off
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