So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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