i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
