ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
