He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
