at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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