the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
