THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
