theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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