There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Your penis caused this!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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