You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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