He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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