I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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