The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
