Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
