im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
