You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Everclear isn't food dammit
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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