That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
