this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
