it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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