Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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