I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
