That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
