Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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