i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
