You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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