She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
