it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
