i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
