I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize