He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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