They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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