We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
