Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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