by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
