Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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