I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
