i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
