I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
