You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
