Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
