You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
