went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
