oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
