If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
