just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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