When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
