He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
