You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
