She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize