hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
