Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery

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(909): View more from California

You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"

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(952): View more from Minnesota

he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.

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(713): View more from Texas

she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

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(563): View more from Iowa

If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.

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(440): View more from Ohio

WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!

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(509): View more from Washington

you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to

(702): View more from Nevada

It's true

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.

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