is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
