I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
