last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
