david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
