I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she was so not down for the gang bang
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize