My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
