Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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