he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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