just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
