we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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