Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
