I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
