apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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