You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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