I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
